"College is like an insanely good drug."
I graduated from Emory this past May. My senior year was the best year of my life. Hands down. I did what I thought was right, pursued my passions, did whatever was in my power to live the way I wanted to. I pretty much had complete control over my life--I mean, I took two classes last spring...both pass/fail. I was the main person in charge of my school's ultimate team and the bustling social life that came with it, and I was in the middle of what I had perceived at the time as a successful long-term relationship. Life was good.
While I have no regrets the way I lived my senior year, my actions (success?) of living in the present during that time have certainly put me in somewhat of a difficult spot today, as far as adjusting to the real world is concerned. Despite the fact that I knew I had it real good in college and the transition wouldn't be easy, a quick fall from the zenith of my (college) life into the real world has given me a good dose of reality and changed my perspective...on everything.
This isn't going to happen to everyone. A number of my friends and colleagues are just as happy, if not happier, than they were in college. And while I definitely am a "live in the present" type of person and I embraced my college lifestyle, I did actually and "care" about my grades, my extracurricular activities, and my future, so it's not like I blew everything off. The transition struggle is real. Here are the main things I've been dealing with.
Social Life:
The reality is that very shortly after you leave the friendly confines of your college, you'll realize that college was the prime of your social life, because in the real world:
a) not everyone is your age nor has similar interests and personalities. Your entire life, you are put with a large cohort of people pretty much your age, or close to it. Likewise, the people you're around are similar--talented, ambitious, intelligent, etc. Unfortunately, in the real world, most people are not your age, nor do they have similar skills, personalities, and interests, so it is harder to connect with them. What makes things more difficult is...
b) not everyone lives next to, or nearby each other. The close proximity of everyone in college is something crucial that is taken for granted. I mean, for Christ's sake, to see our friends, we had to walk a full four flights of stairs below us! Or cross a field to go to an adjacent building! and, in our worst case scenario, we had to [gasp] take a 5 minute shuttle ride and/or walk for twenty minutes!
The second we leave college we very likely won't have handfuls of friends living four flights of stairs below us, or in the building across a field. To be honest, we'll be lucky to have any friends living within a fifteen minute drive of our place. Nowadays, that fifteen minute drive between Highland Lake and Highland Square doesn't seem so terrible after all. What does suck is the fact that...
c) people have their own (different) lives. Whether it is work, other hobbies, or family, people have other things going on. Sure, people are different in college... but are they really that different? Taking classes, doing extracurriculars, going out etc. Sounds pretty similar to me. Gone are the days you can just text someone we know, and expect him/her to be free. People aren't "just hanging" anymore. Furthermore, people aren't exactly looking to make friends in the real world, making it that much more difficult to truly connect with them.
Out here in the real world, making, sustaining, and developing relationships becomes much more of a pain in the ass, especially if you're like me in the sense where it takes a good bit of time and repetitive interaction to truly start to develop your relationships.
Money, Work, and Freedom:
In addition to the social life, the other major transition revolves around the relationship between money, work, and freedom.
The fact of the matter is that, when you're a undergrad, something somewhere (whether it's your parents, a scholarship, financial aid, loans, etc.) is paying up to $55,000 per year for you to take classes and live the college life, and let's be real, if you're at a school like Emory, it's probably not you. As a result, people/organizations care about you, and you have the freedom to do what YOU want, take whatever classes you care about, etc. Basically, someone is paying 50 grand a year so you can do whatever the hell you want.
Conversely, the second you step into in the real world, not only is someone not paying for an organization to care about you, but you need to make money and have someone pay you. Which, in essence, is someone paying you so they can make you do whatever THEY want.
If you're fortunate enough to be getting paid to something you actually enjoy and/or getting paid big bucks to do it, take it and run. But more likely than not, in order to make that cash to provide for yourself, you're going to be doing something you don't particularly enjoy for somebody else, perhaps for up 35-40 hours (or more) a week.
The difference in taking your preferred classes 10 hrs/wk (or in my case, 5) and doing work for someone else for 40 hrs/wk is definitely an adjustment. It becomes particularly difficult if you are like me and (a) have a liberal arts and not a pre-professional degree and (b) have a low tolerance for doing things you feel are useless and general bullshit (i.e. standardized tests, sucking up to teachers, etc.). Combine this adjustment with the social adjustment, life isn't as easy anymore.
How to make the best of it:
Sure. The ideal situation is to be making a lot of money, having a job you love, and being around friends and family you care about. Some people will get that, and all the power to them. But others will not, especially right after graduation. Here's my advice in the meantime.
a) understand the benefits of graduate school. I'm not saying that you should go to grad school, especially right away. Nor am I saying that it is a good idea to go to grad school if your heart isn't into it, don't have the funds for it, etc. It's not for everyone.
But do consider that if you go to graduate school, it's a rare opportunity such that, just like the rest of your education growing up, that you'll be surrounded by people your age with similar interests, most whom are looking to make friends. If you can somehow get a scholarship or have it paid off for you, even better. If you don't elect to go to grad school, however, it is important to...
b) don't underestimate the social aspect: Try to put yourself in a manageable social situation, where you have a support system, whatever that may be--a romantic relationship, friends, family, similarly aged work colleagues, etc. A thriving social life is key to your happiness. Think twice before going to a place where you have little social support around you; friends aren't as easy to come by as they used to be. Regardless of how great things are, if you don't have people you care about around you to share it with, they're meaningless. On that note...
c) make an active effort to maintain your current (and past?) relationships. It's easier to maintain relationships than to make new ones. Relationships can will ultimately define your life. They require great energy, effort, and time. A simple text or facebook message to a friend every once in a while does wonders. If you can do a phone call (do people do this anymore?) or meet up in person, even better. Invest in relationships that will be there for you though, remember, you have a limited amount of time, effort, and energy to develop relationships. On a slightly related but different note...
d) be selfish. When it comes down to it, you need to do what is best for you. It is admirable to be nice, selfless, and loyal. But in the real world, especially in the professional world, you'd be surprised how few people actually care about you. You have to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, even if you have no choice but to hurt some feelings along the way. Very few people, if any, care about you as much as they do themselves.
For example, after you take a job, you should still keep your options open if other jobs are wanting to interview you. Sure, the noble thing is to be honest and loyal, and believe that employers actually care about you and are doing what is in your best interest. But they are doing what is in THEIR best interests, and you should do what's in your best interest as well. Just the way the world works. At the same time...
e) be true to yourself. Go for what you want. What exactly you want--whether it's cash, rewarding work, easy work, prestige, a social life, etc.--is for you to decide, but make sure you're being honest with yourself. Don't force anything that you know you don't want to do. There is nothing worse waking up every morning dreading what you do. In order to truly to be yourself, however, you must...
f) throw your ego out the window. Basically, don't give two shits about what people say or think about you. Because the moment you do, you're doing something for them and not for yourself. Don't have a job? Who gives a shit what they think! You only make a quarter of what your high school classmates make? What do they want, a trophy? Not having an ego is crucial in being who you want to be, and taking the stress off of yourself. Those who judge you or disappear during your times of hardship, fuck them. You don't need them anyways. Anyone worth keeping will care about you and rush to your support when you need it.
The Takeway:
If you're out of college and have a job you don't hate, friends and/or loved ones nearby, be grateful for what you do have focus on the good stuff. Not everyone can say things are going well for them. And if you happen to be in graduate school studying something you actually enjoy, please be happy. Appreciate all the social perks of being there, and having the ability and freedom to study what you want.
And if you're still in college and you're reading this, while you should certainly keep the future in the back of your mind, live it up in the present. College is awesome; don't take it for granted. Be grateful and happy with the life you have right now. Do what you're passionate about. Make those moments with the people you care about count. Because regardless of how well you transition once you're out of college, doing awesome things will likely never be as easy as it is right now.
Regardless of where you are in life--whether it's a job, grad school, or still in undergrad--actively be more appreciative of what you do have, whether it's your friends, your work, or anything else. And if you are struggling with some things right now, know that you are not alone, those things will pass, and your current hardships will make you that much happier and more grateful when things do start going your way.
Much love. More to come soon.
I graduated from Emory this past May. My senior year was the best year of my life. Hands down. I did what I thought was right, pursued my passions, did whatever was in my power to live the way I wanted to. I pretty much had complete control over my life--I mean, I took two classes last spring...both pass/fail. I was the main person in charge of my school's ultimate team and the bustling social life that came with it, and I was in the middle of what I had perceived at the time as a successful long-term relationship. Life was good.
While I have no regrets the way I lived my senior year, my actions (success?) of living in the present during that time have certainly put me in somewhat of a difficult spot today, as far as adjusting to the real world is concerned. Despite the fact that I knew I had it real good in college and the transition wouldn't be easy, a quick fall from the zenith of my (college) life into the real world has given me a good dose of reality and changed my perspective...on everything.
This isn't going to happen to everyone. A number of my friends and colleagues are just as happy, if not happier, than they were in college. And while I definitely am a "live in the present" type of person and I embraced my college lifestyle, I did actually and "care" about my grades, my extracurricular activities, and my future, so it's not like I blew everything off. The transition struggle is real. Here are the main things I've been dealing with.
Social Life:
The reality is that very shortly after you leave the friendly confines of your college, you'll realize that college was the prime of your social life, because in the real world:
b) not everyone lives next to, or nearby each other. The close proximity of everyone in college is something crucial that is taken for granted. I mean, for Christ's sake, to see our friends, we had to walk a full four flights of stairs below us! Or cross a field to go to an adjacent building! and, in our worst case scenario, we had to [gasp] take a 5 minute shuttle ride and/or walk for twenty minutes!
The second we leave college we very likely won't have handfuls of friends living four flights of stairs below us, or in the building across a field. To be honest, we'll be lucky to have any friends living within a fifteen minute drive of our place. Nowadays, that fifteen minute drive between Highland Lake and Highland Square doesn't seem so terrible after all. What does suck is the fact that...
c) people have their own (different) lives. Whether it is work, other hobbies, or family, people have other things going on. Sure, people are different in college... but are they really that different? Taking classes, doing extracurriculars, going out etc. Sounds pretty similar to me. Gone are the days you can just text someone we know, and expect him/her to be free. People aren't "just hanging" anymore. Furthermore, people aren't exactly looking to make friends in the real world, making it that much more difficult to truly connect with them.
Out here in the real world, making, sustaining, and developing relationships becomes much more of a pain in the ass, especially if you're like me in the sense where it takes a good bit of time and repetitive interaction to truly start to develop your relationships.
Money, Work, and Freedom:
In addition to the social life, the other major transition revolves around the relationship between money, work, and freedom.
The fact of the matter is that, when you're a undergrad, something somewhere (whether it's your parents, a scholarship, financial aid, loans, etc.) is paying up to $55,000 per year for you to take classes and live the college life, and let's be real, if you're at a school like Emory, it's probably not you. As a result, people/organizations care about you, and you have the freedom to do what YOU want, take whatever classes you care about, etc. Basically, someone is paying 50 grand a year so you can do whatever the hell you want.
Conversely, the second you step into in the real world, not only is someone not paying for an organization to care about you, but you need to make money and have someone pay you. Which, in essence, is someone paying you so they can make you do whatever THEY want.
If you're fortunate enough to be getting paid to something you actually enjoy and/or getting paid big bucks to do it, take it and run. But more likely than not, in order to make that cash to provide for yourself, you're going to be doing something you don't particularly enjoy for somebody else, perhaps for up 35-40 hours (or more) a week.
The difference in taking your preferred classes 10 hrs/wk (or in my case, 5) and doing work for someone else for 40 hrs/wk is definitely an adjustment. It becomes particularly difficult if you are like me and (a) have a liberal arts and not a pre-professional degree and (b) have a low tolerance for doing things you feel are useless and general bullshit (i.e. standardized tests, sucking up to teachers, etc.). Combine this adjustment with the social adjustment, life isn't as easy anymore.
How to make the best of it:
Sure. The ideal situation is to be making a lot of money, having a job you love, and being around friends and family you care about. Some people will get that, and all the power to them. But others will not, especially right after graduation. Here's my advice in the meantime.
a) understand the benefits of graduate school. I'm not saying that you should go to grad school, especially right away. Nor am I saying that it is a good idea to go to grad school if your heart isn't into it, don't have the funds for it, etc. It's not for everyone.
But do consider that if you go to graduate school, it's a rare opportunity such that, just like the rest of your education growing up, that you'll be surrounded by people your age with similar interests, most whom are looking to make friends. If you can somehow get a scholarship or have it paid off for you, even better. If you don't elect to go to grad school, however, it is important to...
b) don't underestimate the social aspect: Try to put yourself in a manageable social situation, where you have a support system, whatever that may be--a romantic relationship, friends, family, similarly aged work colleagues, etc. A thriving social life is key to your happiness. Think twice before going to a place where you have little social support around you; friends aren't as easy to come by as they used to be. Regardless of how great things are, if you don't have people you care about around you to share it with, they're meaningless. On that note...
c) make an active effort to maintain your current (and past?) relationships. It's easier to maintain relationships than to make new ones. Relationships can will ultimately define your life. They require great energy, effort, and time. A simple text or facebook message to a friend every once in a while does wonders. If you can do a phone call (do people do this anymore?) or meet up in person, even better. Invest in relationships that will be there for you though, remember, you have a limited amount of time, effort, and energy to develop relationships. On a slightly related but different note...
d) be selfish. When it comes down to it, you need to do what is best for you. It is admirable to be nice, selfless, and loyal. But in the real world, especially in the professional world, you'd be surprised how few people actually care about you. You have to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, even if you have no choice but to hurt some feelings along the way. Very few people, if any, care about you as much as they do themselves.
For example, after you take a job, you should still keep your options open if other jobs are wanting to interview you. Sure, the noble thing is to be honest and loyal, and believe that employers actually care about you and are doing what is in your best interest. But they are doing what is in THEIR best interests, and you should do what's in your best interest as well. Just the way the world works. At the same time...
e) be true to yourself. Go for what you want. What exactly you want--whether it's cash, rewarding work, easy work, prestige, a social life, etc.--is for you to decide, but make sure you're being honest with yourself. Don't force anything that you know you don't want to do. There is nothing worse waking up every morning dreading what you do. In order to truly to be yourself, however, you must...
f) throw your ego out the window. Basically, don't give two shits about what people say or think about you. Because the moment you do, you're doing something for them and not for yourself. Don't have a job? Who gives a shit what they think! You only make a quarter of what your high school classmates make? What do they want, a trophy? Not having an ego is crucial in being who you want to be, and taking the stress off of yourself. Those who judge you or disappear during your times of hardship, fuck them. You don't need them anyways. Anyone worth keeping will care about you and rush to your support when you need it.
The Takeway:
If you're out of college and have a job you don't hate, friends and/or loved ones nearby, be grateful for what you do have focus on the good stuff. Not everyone can say things are going well for them. And if you happen to be in graduate school studying something you actually enjoy, please be happy. Appreciate all the social perks of being there, and having the ability and freedom to study what you want.
Regardless of where you are in life--whether it's a job, grad school, or still in undergrad--actively be more appreciative of what you do have, whether it's your friends, your work, or anything else. And if you are struggling with some things right now, know that you are not alone, those things will pass, and your current hardships will make you that much happier and more grateful when things do start going your way.
Much love. More to come soon.
-JTF
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