I'm Coming Home: Why I'm Leaving Seattle and Returning to Atlanta

Preface:

I want to preface this by thanking everyone in Seattle--long lost high school classmates, friends from college, former co-workers, my fall league ultimate team, and especially my two roommates--for doing everything in their power to befriend me and welcome me into their lives.  

Additionally, I want to thank everyone who has supported me during my past few months. So many people--family, extended relatives, childhood friends, college buddies, friends I worked with for a few weeks over a summer, former professors and advisors--have willingly reached out and provided guidance during during my time of need. Every little bit of advice and support--whether it was through a skype date, a phone call, text, facebook chat, even a silly snapchat snap or like/comment on a facebook post--was instrumental in helping me navigate through what has been a very difficult time and reflect upon who I really am.

I sincerely mean it when I say this: I could not have done it without you. Thank you.



I'm Coming Home.

I graduated from Emory this past May.  After a few quick road trips and a 5-week teaching gig at a boarding school in Connecticut, I packed my bags for Seattle, chasing a job and hoping to start over in a new place I felt that I would love.

Unfortunately, I soon found out the job I wanted so much to be great was terrible for me, and I consequently left it within a matter of weeks. Combine that with a significant lack of social interaction and friends, dealing with a rough breakup from my 3.5 year relationship, and the rest of my transitions after graduating college, my time in Seattle, despite my favorable thoughts about Seattle as a city itself, hasn't exactly gone as I had hoped.

As a result, in what has been one of the most difficult decisions of my life, I have decided that I am moving on from Seattle and returning to Atlanta.

The hardest part about my decision was that it contradicted the conventional wisdom of manhood and toughness. When growing up, especially as a male, we are taught many ways to succeed, specifically how to overcome adversity--in athletics, in academia, in life. Words such as: "persevere," "patience," "stay strong," and "never give up" are commonly used motivators when dealing with rough times.  As the saying goes, "no pain, no gain," right? I had this dream of living in Seattle, and based on this wisdom, the way to make it work and to find happiness was to toughen up and fight through these difficult times.

Unfortunately, unlike the conventional wisdom of dealing with adversity, how people should react in situations where they don't want to--or cannot--fight through tough times is rarely discussed. How do you proceed when you don't have the power to grind it out, to stay strong, to overcome? What do you do if you can no longer tolerate the pain?  Does it mean that you weren't good enough, you weren't strong enough? Does it mean that you've given up, that you won't succeed, that you're a failure?

Contrary to popular belief, when you don't have enough strength to do something, it is okay to admit that you don't have enough strength to do something. It's okay to be weak. It's okay to feel that you need help, that you need support. It's okay to admit that something simply isn't working, and that a change is needed. Identifying these issues is not only okay, but a necessary step in going forward. 

That's why I'm returning to Atlanta: Seattle simply isn't working for me. As much as I want to make Seattle, a city with so much potential, work out for me at this time, something just isn't clicking. I simply do not have the inner strength or energy to make it happen right now, regardless of how hard I try. I am tired of suffering, fighting to make it work. I realize I am fragile, vulnerable even. I need more support. I miss having friends, and some semblance of a community. For god's sake, I miss Waffle House. That All-Star Breakfast is calling my name.

Some people will look at me when I return and see me as a failure. I don't blame them. After all, crashing in a friend's living room unemployed isn't exactly how I pictured my postgraduate life would be when I received my diploma some six months ago. 

But I see this as more of an experience. While Seattle--and these past few months--hasn't worked out for me, I have no regrets. Sometimes you do everything (right) in your power and things don't work out and/or you get the short end of the stick. That's just the way life works. Shit happens. It's not easy. It sucks. But you learn. You adjust.  You get over it. And then you move on. As the saying goes: "Experience is what you get when life doesn't go as planned"... so I sure am getting one hell of an experience. Although this whole ordeal isn't great right now, I've grown so much because of it, and I know one day in retrospect I'll be glad everything happened the way it did.

I realize that returning Atlanta will not solve all of my problems. I can't expect to go home and pretend like I'm back living the college life. I'm not exactly sure what times ahead will have in store for me, and I acknowledge I'll likely continue to go through some tough times. But I do know that Atlanta is where I should be right now.

I'm moving back to Atlanta. Or better yet, moving forward. I'm coming home.

-JTF