Not So Happy Holidays

Photo Courtesy of http://www.tumblrlife.com/christmas-tree-wallpapers-for-desktop-2016/

Sometime last week, in a matter of a just few days, America went through its annual seasonal transformation. 

Down went the turkey, and up went the Christmas lights lining many of the city's streets. The local malls all of a sudden became a madhouse of people. Dean Martin's Let it Snow and of course, Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You began regularly making the rounds on the car radio. The first signs of frost dusted the car windshield, college students began cramming for finals, on came the luxury car dealerships and jewelry stores advertising their "best" deals of the year, and out came the overabundance Santa hats, candy canes, chocolates, and stockings for sale in the local CVS.

Yep, holiday season is here and in full force. 

For many, the holiday season brings the best time of the year. A time of family reunions, taking and sending family photos to others, thinking about getting and receiving gifts, drinking hot chocolate and/or eggnog, and playing games like White Elephant and Secret Santa. A time when the U.S. government and American society actually do their part, encouraging both students and professionals to take time off from work. A time of unmatched joy and laughter because most importantly, people are able to recognize that they have loved ones who care about them, and they cherish the opportunity to once again be together. The holidays are, as advertised, happy holidays.

But this isn't the case for everyone. Some people -- people you know and interact with on a regular basis -- simply don't enjoy the the holiday season. The holiday season can be a really tough time for some people.

It's easy to criticize these people as debbie downers or pessimists, and to feel that it's on them--and in their control--that they're not as festive and happy during the cheerful holiday season. But it's more complicated than that.

People who don't like the holidays have valid reasons not to, some of which are more significant than others. Some people simply hate the cold. Some people don't like shopping, or fake-smiling their way and pretending they like gifts they'll never use. Some people are sad another year has passed in which they won't have anyone to kiss under the mistletoe.

Maybe some people's families never truly embraced the holiday spirit and all the gift wrapping, light-decorating, and postcard sending traditions that come with it, and thus were unable to feel the joy the holidays bring. Or perhaps some people simply have bad memories about the holidays, like on the first day of class in January 1999, when the first grade teacher made the class sit in a circle, and went around the room asking everyone what their favorite gift was. While every classmate got something awesome -- a Playstation One, a puppy, a new deck of pokemon cards -- you sat there ashamed, not knowing what to say because you didn't get anything.

Some people have family and loved ones scattered across the world and are simply unable or unwilling to come together. And some people don't have anyone to see, anyone to care about, or anywhere to call home, and they're stuck every year scampering to find a place to keep themselves distracted and occupied, just so they can avoid being unloved in their apartment, alone, while simultaneously knowing that everyone else is at home with the people they care about.


The festive holiday season -- the songs, the decorations, the presents -- brings an immense pressure to make people feel happy. The fact that everyone acts so cheerful and festive exacerbates this pressure. And if you aren't happy, for whatever reason, the pressure simply makes you feel that much more down on yourself. It really sucks when you're not happy during this time, when everyone around you seemingly is.

And what if you are one of these people, for whatever reason, who simply isn't happy? What do you do when your roommate receives a Christmas gift package, knowing that you yourself will not be getting one?  What is it like to see a friend on facebook, decked in colorful Christmas garb, happily smiling with a group of friends and/or a significant other at a party, when you aren't getting invited to the event or don't have the motivation to go and put on a fake smile and engage in small talk? How do you respond to peers expressing their grand holiday plans to go on big trip with family, when you have no family or home to go to? 

Out of respect for your peers, you have no choice but hide your true feelings. You tell your roommate how awesome the gift package is. You smile at the Christmas party, even if you aren't happy. You either make up or pump up your lame plans for the holiday break, making sure not to kill the positive vibe your audience thrives for in your response. After all, despite the jealously, depression, and perhaps anger you have about your holiday life, you're not cruel enough to want to disturb the happiness of others, and you definitely don't want others to pity you. It can be a really draining process, being unable to express your true emotions, especially when you have to perform this same song and dance year after year.

While it's never wise to purposely bring down others' joy, do know that it is okay to be unhappy for the holidays and to vent to other people about it. It's okay to feel shitty and depressed. It's okay to be jealous of others' happiness and tightly-knit families. It's only natural for us as humans to do so. 

Regardless of how happy you are this holiday season, it's important to appreciate what you do have and to not take it for granted. If you have a loving home to go to sit together by a pine tree, please cherish those moments... not everyone has them. If you have to wait through long mall lines to buy a gift, or have to smile through a gift you don't like, cherish that too; some people have no one to share gifts with. If your family is split up and say, you're stuck spending the holiday with your least favorite brother for a week, appreciate his presence; it's better than having no one at all. If you're stuck at work... hey, at least you have a job.

If you're fortunate enough to be jolly this time of year, please be grateful of what you do have. Recognize that not everyone is happy and that some people are even concealing their true feelings to preserve your happiness. And if you are one who is feeling blue this holiday season, don't get too down on yourself. Remember that you have a lot going for you, and despite how it may appear, you're not an outcast if you happen to be unhappy these days. You are not alone.


-JTF